A Friend.

Yesterday night, my friend came over. He took one look at me and broke. We haven't seen each other in a while, even though he's really just down the street. He said "oh god rosey, did you relapse?" I just bursted into tears. No I hadn't relapsed yet but he could just look at me and know that I felt empty and broken inside. He was hugging me so tightly and trying so hard to calm me down....

This made me realize something...when the one thing you love and need isn't there...you have to keep going anyways...when my boyfriend is so upset or not around it hurts me and effects me so much but he once told me something....I have to be more independent. I laugh at it now because I think he regrets having said that when he had...but he was right and I know it...

If anything, I have to stop being so dependent on him...I have to look towards my friends, myself. I can't expect someone to always be in my life..what if something happened? what if he wasn't around when i needed him? what if i was feeling alone and he wasn't here to fix it because he was out or busy or something?

I realized when I was telling someone, "he's been there for me so much. he's helped me so much." why? because i went to him and i was in pain. maybe if i just push these feelings away they'll go away...idk...

I called this post a friend...because last night it was my friend who was holding me and telling me everything would be ok. Sometimes we don't need our boyfriend or girlfriend we need a friend or family member who can just hold us and tell us no matter what they'll work it out.

I love my friend for what he's done for me...he was the first and only real friend of mine to know about my suicide, my bf, my life. He's like my best friend here in my town. I'm really lucky to have people who care about me in my life.....even when it seems like no one cares guys...i promise someone somewhere does okay?

I love you guys, Love ~Rose